Yahoo is doin it rong

I like Yahoo. I use Yahoo. I have family members employed by Yahoo. Which is why, every time I see the 14 Mission bus going by with one of Yahoo’s “It’s Y!ou” ads, I die a little inside. Here’s what I think Y!ou should do instead:

1. Give up on search

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See Yahoo on there? All the way at the bottom? Yeah, it makes me kinda sad, too. Search is just not your thing, Yahoo. Your thing is homepages.

2. Make the ultimate homepage

My Yahoo is pretty nice. I use it every day as a kind of modern papernews or whatever those things used to be called. I have about a million RSS feeds and a weather report. But I still have to open a new page to find out the one-week forecast. And I get a preview of my emails right there in the top left corner, but I still have to open a new page and click on a tab to actually read or reply to the email. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to read and reply to my email right there on my homepage. In fact there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to use Yahoo Messenger on my homepage, or edit my account info on my homepage, or order a motherfrakking pizza on my homepage.

3. If you’re gonna do social, do it right

It’s great that you’re trying to cash in on social media. So am I! But I don’t want another social network just for the five other people I know with Yahoo email addresses – who I’m already Facebook friends with. Either make it non-email-address-dependent or kill it now. And for the love of all that is good in the world, get rid of the “What’s New” page and just put that crap in My Yahoo.

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4. 3rd party apps FTW

Yahoo weather is a joke. So are all those Yahoo apps that I don’t use. Encourage more apps! Tell us about them! Or better yet, get that social media stuff right and make it easy for me to share Yahoo apps with my friends. I didn’t even know you guys had 3rd party apps until I started this post. Apps are content. They add value. Your current ad campaign? Not content. Not adding value.

5. Put the money you’re spending on crappy outdoor ads into making a better product

Yes I’m a copywriter. Yes I could have made those ads a million times better. But I would have been taking advantage of your utter lack of strategy and giving you something you don’t need while I line my pockets and brag to my friends every time the number 14 goes by. Beyond the obvious fact that your service is online and should be advertised online, the “it’s so y!ou” ads are not so me, they’re not even kind of me, they’re some gay dude or a chick who looks like one of my mom’s friends. You can’t do a campaign about me and then show someone else. You just can’t. You can, however, follow my previous 4 suggestions and make a product that I can convince my friends to use – as long as it doesn’t depend on them getting Yahoo email addresses. They already have Gmail.

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  1. […] Anyone at Short Sharp Science. You are next to my freaking email preview on my My Yahoo page. Above the weather. Yeah. Reading this blog will singlehandedly improve your chances of […]

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