Review: makes us like Cramer-Krasselt, still hate cars

Chicago agency Cramer-Krasselt launched a new website for Porsche recently that’s been getting some attention with folks like FWA. It being Monday, we decided to sharpen our teeth for the week on it. If this first one doesn’t get us banned from the Internet, you’ll probably be seeing many more additions to Gary and Thea Review. (In case you are wondering “Who the hell are these crapwads to think they can just go around reviewing whatever they want,” and you haven’t read the sidebar that explains who we are, we’re a game UI designer and a mid-level advertising copywriter. So yeah, no one. We just do this for fun instead of sports or art shows because we’re geeky workaholics.)

They'd like you to think the desert scenery is for looks. But I suspect they just couldn't find any parking anywhere cool.

They'd like you to think the desert scenery is for looks. But I suspect they just couldn't find any parking anywhere cool.


As an end user I think it sucks, although the client has every reason to be pleased. Navigation is clean and intuitive, and kept me clicking to read even more [expletive deleted] propaganda about how my life would be changed by acquiring this, the lamest of luxury items. How I wish every atom of the product could be doing something other than supporting a brutally dehumanizing status quo. I understand the Nazi party also had great marketing materials, that didn’t make the product any less reprehensible, and neither does this website. Let me state here for the record that the navigation and infographics are really well done. Great job on the creative and the execution. Tastefully done. So frakking what? No matter what car I own, I wish I didn’t need it. It’s an unnecessary expense and my freedom of the road comes at someone else’s expense (the entire effing planet). Eff you Porsche, great website, and bite me.

What will inevitably become of all Porsches no matter how slick their website.

What will inevitably become of all Porsches no matter how slick their website.


For full disclosure, one of my favorite art directors ever worked on this site. And I love cars. Beyond that:

1. Sound management failed completely for me. It keeps going after I close a video and if I switch to another video before the first one is finished I get two soundtracks playing at the same time. I seriously don’t know how anyone let the site go live with a glitch like that. Maybe I’m the only one this has happened to?

2. Besides the horrific sound flaw, it’s a sweet, beautifully navigable website. While the user generated content isn’t necessarily interesting to anyone besides the person who posted it, the fact that so many stories are there reinforces the message, and makes the folks who contribute feel valued, which will probably get them talking, if only just for the chance to bring up that ’76 their ex wife totaled. Again. The rest of the content is totally on the mark, and if I could get the freaking videos to play without being possessed I’d probably say they’re all pretty good, and make for a way more engaging user experience than your average long-copy-with-diagrams.

3. I can imagine this being a success among existing Porsche fans, but I wish instead of the “Must. Use. Buzzword” UGC stuff, they had opened up the conversation a little bit to find out what people outside the Porsche circle jerk would like to be able to do with all that history, philosophy, and engineering.

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One Comment

  1. Lucy
    Posted November 13, 2009 at 14:20 | Permalink

    While Forza 3’s Panamera is… oh.
    It’s not in the game.

    That’s some kind of whoops, Porsche. Best watch who you let put their sticky fingers in the sweet, sweet honeypot that is your gauge cluster.
    You want 89,8 base for this sucker and we gotta get involved in the shrieking horrorshow that is Gran Turismo just to drive it in a video game?

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