How the morons in 2012 should have tried to save humanity instead of the retarded crap they did instead

Ok, just one spoiler: California falls into the ocean, just like every other effing disaster movie ever made.

Predictably, one guy sees it all coming and tries to do the right thing. He fails horribly. Here’s what he should have done instead:

1. Don’t go to the government unless you want the most insanely inefficient and time-consuming result possible. This should be obvious to anyone who’s ever voted. If you’re gonna go to anyone with an end-of-world type challenge and try to get something done about it, take it to Google, Richard Branson, or the mafia. Ideally, the government should be the last people to know, after it’s too late for them to screw us all by creating some ridiculous classist escape scheme. (Which, um, may or may not have happened in the movie.)

Never fear! We'll be reconvening next month to vote on the formation of a save-our-own-asses planning committee.

2. Tell everyone as soon as possible. We have 6,784,004,100 (and counting) highly advanced brains on this planet. That’s whole hell of a lot of brainstorming potential.

If this dude can water his whole village with a library book and some crap that was laying around in the yard, you can make a survival pod. Trust me.

3. Distribute 3D printers and open source survival pod designs. With an Internet connection and a screwdriver, any 3rd world subsistence farmer can potentially assemble something to save her family. Actually, she could print the screwdriver, too.

4. Kill the monetary system ASAP. The only thing left in the way for people trying to keep their own families alive is access to raw materials. This is a false scarcity created by the monetary system. If we only have three years left you’re not gonna need that cash anyway, so why not toss the whole concept and switch to a resource-based economy for the time being? The more we share resources, the more people survive, the better your chances of some day getting rich again after the apocalypse, if the whole robots-running-everything thing doesn’t pan out.

That’s it. Four easy steps. So, Mr. Holy Crap These Readings Are Off The Charts I’d Better Tell The President, now you know better, and can save the world properly. You’re welcome.

By the way, now might be a good time to start.